Forgiven and Free

I was an adulteress, but that is not what defines me. I am not defined by my biggest failures, past mistakes, sizeable sin, greatest accomplishments, or astounding achievements. My identity doesn't come from my job or a title, but it is found in the One who gave His life for me, Jesus Christ. He has given me a new name: redeemed, chosen, adopted, forgiven, daughter, royalty, and even masterpiece. When we truly repent before the only One who has the power to save our soul, He makes us new again, wiping our slate clean, and removing our "sins as far as the east is from the west." (Psalm 103:12) Because of what Jesus did for us on the cross, through the shedding of His blood, paying our sin debt in FULL, we are now seen by the Father as RIGHTEOUS. People may throw our past in our faces, reminding us of what we have done, but Jesus doesn't. He will never say to us, "Remember when you did .......?!" From His perspective, we have been made "new." Our slate is clean before His eyes. I don't know what you have done in your past, the shame or guilt you deal with on a daily basis, or the weight you are carrying. I don't know the internal struggle you may be having with going to Jesus. Maybe you are wondering how could you face the One who is without sin when you come with so much baggage. Maybe you are embarrassed with some of the decisions you made in your past and are choosing to hide from God rather than face Him. I want to remind you today, that Jesus loves and accepts you just as you are. Nothing you will say to Him will shock Him or come to Him as a surprise. "Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account” (Hebrews 4:13) Jesus sees it all. He just wants you to yield and come. He desires a relationship with you. His Spirit will restore you, making you new again, if you will just seek Him, allowing Him to do His masterful work. I have often wondered recently how could God ever use me anymore. People have "disqualified" me. At times, I even "feel" disqualified myself! But, all throughout the Bible we get to hear stories of people just like me and you who have failed miserably, but GOD used them powerfully and mightily. "But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong." (1 Corinthians 1:27) God wants our hearts, our availability. Our past isn't a hindrance to God even though it may be to some people. Pursue God. He has a plan and purpose for YOUR LIFE and He wants to use you to impact the Kingdom of God for all eternity! Will you let Him use you?! 

Fall From Grace

I did something I never thought I would ever do, I had an affair a couple of years ago. The world around me, inside and outside, blew up. I became so embarrassed and ashamed. I hated myself for not doing what I encouraged others to do. I hated myself for going outside the boundaries of God, ultimately disobeying Him. It was hard to even look at myself in the mirror because I didn’t want to see the person looking back at me. Where was the girl who had the strength to say no on national TV? Where was the girl who would regularly turn down modeling jobs because they didn’t meet her standards? Where was the girl who didn’t put herself in compromising situations? I wanted to die.

Unfortunately, I didn’t immediately run to God. I ran from Him like Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden. How could I face the One who died for my sins, taking my place on the cross? How could I go to the One who was holy, righteous and perfect in all His ways when I was filthy and a complete mess? I didn’t want to face Him or even other people. How could I deal with their judgement or handle the stones they would throw at me? So I hid in my parent’s house for awhile and spent countless hours in my bedroom there. At times, I would cry so much that I couldn’t cry anymore. Even though I made very unwise decisions, I still experienced the merciful hand of God upon my life. He didn’t leave me or abandon me. Even as I am typing this I am fighting off tears because of the miraculous grace of God. I can testify that He truly is the Good Shepherd willing to leave the 99 for the ONE. He left the flock and pursued me. “But is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” (2 Peter 3:9)

One day I decided I had enough of running and hiding. From the depths of brokenness, I cried out to Him asking Him to forgive me for what I did and for the people I crushed and disappointed. “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” (Psalm 51:17) I repented, asking forgiveness from God and from others. I wanted to do a 180, no longer continuing down the path that leads to destruction. There are definitely severe consequences to sin. God wouldn’t be a just God if there wasn’t because He hates sin. I’ve had to deal with the consequences. When we sincerely repent, He says in Scripture that “He removes our sins as far as the east is from the west,” remembering them no more. He doesn’t see us through the lens of our sins or our past like some people may see us through. He sees us forgiven and cleansed through the blood of Jesus Christ, clothed in His robe of righteousness.

After I did what I did, I thought my calling from God was done. I thought I was useless. He reminded me, “For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.” (Romans 11:29) He reminded me of the story of David and Moses and Paul. He can bring beauty from the ashes (Isaiah 61:3). I have experienced the grace of God like I have never experienced Him before. I’m newly married now and the Holy Spirit is helping me to write a new chapter for my life. I own my first home. He has opened the door to modeling again and I didn’t even knock on any doors. He just opened them for me. I go to a “church” where I am surrounded by people who love me and they feel like family. The Holy Spirit has inspired me with creativity to create different things that He wants me to do that has left me in complete awe of Him. I still have to battle shame and embarrassment and regret. I wish I could go back and undo what I did. Unfortunately, the past cannot be undone. If you are reading this and have a past, wondering if God still loves you and wants to use you for His purposes, He does. If you are reading this and you are filled with shame, embarrassment or regret… ask for His grace to give it to the One who bore your shame on the cross. Shame keeps us feeling defeated, crippling us so that we cannot fulfill God’s calling upon our lives. The Bible says, “we are more than conquerors through Jesus Christ,” so we can be victorious through Him!!!

In Luke 7:47 Jesus says, “Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” My own sins have ignited within me a richer and deeper mercy for others. I am in complete awe of God’s unfailing love for me. “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) Our faith should always be fixed upon Jesus Christ, the only perfect One. Just like you have seen with my life, I can greatly disappoint you because I am human and have a carnal flesh that I need to crucify with the Holy Spirit’s power. “Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41).” I would like to leave you with this… be careful of saying that you will never do something because you just might find yourself one day doing something you never thought you would do. I’ve painfully learned that each one of us are capable of anything. How do I know this?! Because I did something I never thought I would ever do. “Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall (1 Corinthians 10:12).”

Mark Of Shame

Have you ever felt like you were walking around wearing a scarlet letter on your chest?! Maybe you think that when people look at you, all they see is your past sins or sin, making you want to run and hide like Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden? Maybe when you look at people you can see from their eyes or disposition or maybe from what they may say to you that they can’t get past the “mark of shame” you are invisibly wearing. Or, maybe people are looking at you and they don’t see the scarlet letter at all?!

The scarlet letter is meant to be a symbol of shame (later becomes a symbol of identity). Instead of seeing a “scarlet letter” on our chest, what if we saw the cross?! The place where Jesus Christ bore our SIN and SHAME. “looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2) Guess what friend, as His child we have been covered by the blood of the Lamb and we are now clothed in HIS robe of righteousness.

God doesn’t shame or condemn us, but He does convict us of our sin. “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1) Shame may shout, “your sin is hopeless.” But, Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world declares “through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.” (Colossians 1:20) “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” (John 8:36)

Our identity isn’t in our sins, it’s in our Father who made us and who knew us before He formed us in the womb. We don’t have to live feeling defeated, embarrassed, or ashamed, carrying our baggage of the past. We can live, through the power of the Holy Spirit, victorious because we have been made a NEW creation!! “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17) If we have repented, then our “scarlet letters” have been removed by the blood of Jesus Christ. We are now white as snow.

Have Mercy On Me, God

I could say this about myself…. “The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.” (1 Timothy 1:15)

I, like David, have cried out to the Lord, “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!” (Psalm 51:1-2) He answered me. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) At times in my life I have hidden from God just as Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden because I was also filled with shame and embarrassment. I listened to my own heart, the harsh words of others and believed the lies that I wasn’t worthy of His love. Jesus Christ is perfect, holy and righteous and I am a sinner in desperate need of His forgiveness, mercy, grace, and love. I had my eyes on myself instead of on Christ and what HE did for me (and you) on the cross.

David was a murderer and adulterer. Moses killed someone. Peter denied Jesus three times. Abraham didn’t trust God for a descendant. None of the disciples actually believed that Jesus would rise from the dead. That’s why they scattered like rats on a sinking ship after the crucifixion.

Jesus loves the unlovable, forgives the unforgivable, patiently waits for the prodigal to return home and restores the unrestorable. He is sinless, yet He loves sinners (“for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”), proving that love on the old rugged cross.

Your past mistakes don’t disqualify you from being used greatly by God. People can’t disqualify you either when God calls you to something. At the end of the day, their opinion doesn’t matter because His will trumps people’s opinions. God loves a good redemption story because He is a God of the unlikely. He is a God of Wonders and can take the mess you made and somehow make it into something beautiful.

It’s never too late to come home to Jesus.